Live Beyond Stress and Illness

Living with stress and illness comes with many challenges and can have a negative impact on your family and friends as well. Those who love and care about people struggling with stress and illness can feel helpless and hopeless in meeting their needs. We all want to make a positive difference, especially in the lives of those we love.

People struggling with stress and illness often fear being a burden to others. They struggle in asking for help, often don’t even know what kind of support to specifically request, and feel like accepting support is equivalent to handing over their independence. I’ve heard all the excuses, and then some.

“My husband does too much already…”
“Nothing is going to really help me in the long run anyway, so why ask?”
“No one wants to hear me whining or treat me like a baby.”
“I don’t want people seeing me as needy or incompetent.”
“People will just feel sorry for me, and I don’t want that to happen.”

Yet then I hear from the friends and loved ones…

“I feel powerless and useless.”
“I can’t stand feeling so inept.”
“I would do anything to make a difference in their pain if I just knew what that was.”
“I just don’t know what to do for them and the more I feel that way the more I feel like I’m failing them.”

All of us like to be part of a solution vs. part of a problem

I recently moved to the San Diego area in California. And when you’re new to an area having directions that get you from one side of town to the next are imperative not only to you reaching the destination you want, but also to your peace of mind. If my sister in law, who lives in Lakeside says, “Come on over for dinner,” yet I’ve never been to her house and I don’t even know if Lakeside is east or west of my home I’m going to need some instruction on how it is I can get to her home.

When we venture into the unknown without direction, instruction, suggestions, or some kind of map we can feel overwhelmed, lost, and frightened. If you’re like my sister in law, someone who’s been to or lived in Lakeside, you have a pretty good idea as to how I might arrive in Lakeside. You probably could even tell me a couple of different routes I could take to get there. Together, with your instruction and my desire to follow suit, we could both be part of the solution.

No Guarantees

Now then, I could take the bus, drive my own car, walk, ride my bike, get a lift from a friend, or take a cab to Lakeside. And then “life” could happen. I might get on the wrong bus, my car might break down, I could get a flat on my bike, and who knows what else might get in the way of my successfully reaching Lakeside. But if I am committed to getting there, and I let go of needing a guarantee that I will get there in a specific way, then I’ll just keep plugging through my options one by one knowing that there are hopeful avenues in my getting there. How do I know that these are possible, hopeful avenues? Because people have gotten into their cars, or on the bus, or in a cab, or on their bikes and reached that destination before.

I Promise You This...

Reducing emotional, mental and physical stressors will greatly improve your experience with illness and support you in creating a sense of well-being. Don't underestimate the bigger role you could be playing in your own health and well-being. And likewise, don't underestimate the bigger roles your loved ones could playing--especially if you offered them a little direction.

1) Make a list of your mental, emotional, and physical stressors.

2) What kind of specific support can you request from your loved ones that might decrease or relieve these stressors? (If you aren’t certain, brainstorm some possibilities, and write them down.)

3) Be willing to ask for help even without the guarantee that what you are requesting will be the perfect solution. (Remember, there are many ways to get to Lakeside, and a little trial and error is always possible along the way. Don’t let that stop you.)

4) Keep in mind: People like to be part of the solution! They like to feel useful, supportive, and necessary. Giving your loved ones the opportunity to shine is a gift to them as well as a gift to yourself. Invite them to be part of the solution—part of your health and wellness team.

Here’s to empowering yourself and those you love on your path towards living beyond stress and illness!

A great part of the work I do with my clients involves building a greater awareness of the beliefs they carry that can be impeding their intentions for creating health and well-being. Some common beliefs my clients share with me include things like:

• “It’s just my nature to be stressed-out all the time.”

• “There isn’t enough time in the day to take proper care of myself and my needs.”

• “If I could better control the actions of others and the unexpected circumstances of my life I wouldn’t need to worry about stress and illness.”

Developing an awareness of the beliefs that are running our lives and possibly keeping stress and illness in place can make all the difference in your path towards health and well-being. We often think of our beliefs as “fact.” But when we separate belief from fact, recognize we can choose to believe differently, do differently, and have differently, a whole new world opens to us that has the power to greatly enhance our healing.

It’s just my nature to be stressed-out all the time:

Believing that it is one’s nature to be stressed-out is a common excuse that gives stress permission to recycle itself over and over again. When we carry that belief we conclude we are married to stress. Stress becomes a great part of our vocation in life. It’s simply who we are so why fight it? Why try to change something that is so evidently inherent to us?

Here’s the scoop—it simply isn’t anyone’s nature to be stressed out. It isn’t inherently who you are. You don’t need to change something inherent within yourself to become a master at silencing stress and reducing opportunity for illness. I’m not suggesting that you remove a limb from your body. That’s something inherent to which you are.

I’m suggesting that those of us who attribute stress to being an inherent part of who we are acknowledge our addiction to stress. Addiction is separate from that which we are. We are not born addicted to stress—we create the addiction. We feed it. We learn and repeat behaviors, habits and actions that maintain it. We allow our minds to brew in stress based thinking.

Acknowledge the untruth that saturates the belief that it’s just natural to be stressed-out all the time. Acknowledging this untruth will support you in reframing your belief and redirect you based on your new belief. Perhaps your new belief goes something like this: “It is my nature to seek and live a balanced life.” Imagine what new and proactive behaviors, thoughts, and actions might come when you choose to make this your truth, your new belief, your new way of being, doing and showing up in this life.

There isn’t enough time in the day to take proper care of myself and my needs:

Yet if we don’t take proper care of ourselves and make the time for our needs aren’t we going to find ourselves living lesser and shorter lives? If we make the time to take proper care of ourselves and cater to our needs isn’t it more likely that we will be increasing our opportunity to live longer, healthier and all-around-more-fruitful lives?

We get to choose our beliefs. Liberate yourself! Choose to believe that it is your nature to consciously seek and live a balanced life. If you live your life through this belief, (make it part of your personal code), your commitment to creating balance will be greater than any other commitments you have that might throw you out of balance and into the age old habit of perpetuating stress.

If you choose to believe that it’s just your nature to be stressed out than you will continue to put everything else before your personal needs and ability to take proper care of yourself. If you believe that it is your true nature to seek and live a balanced life than you will find yourself committing to the thoughts, behaviors, habits and actions which perpetuate a balanced life. Time is never the enemy. Time is just a scapegoat we create. What we believe to be true implores us to use our time accordingly. Believe that it is your nature to seek, live and honor a balanced life.

If I could control the unexpected circumstances of my life I wouldn’t need to worry about stress and illness:

Needing to control the unexpected circumstances of your life is never really the issue nor is “control” actually your ticket to physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well-being. Needing to control perpetuates our addiction to stress. Who would you be without the ability to believe that your life was dependent upon your ability to control the outcome of everything?

It’s how we show up in our lives to meet the unexpected circumstances which can either grant us personal freedom or doom us to despair. Those who master stress are well versed in the art of being resourceful, accepting and grateful when the unexpected comes to pass. They choose to look for the opportunity in every situation and they do this when they consciously choose to let go of thoughts like, “This shouldn’t be happening.” They entertain thoughts like, “Where’s the gold nugget in this situation? How can this unexpected situation work to my advantage?”

Expecting everything in life to work out as we plan is an invitation to Stress-Ville! Why argue with reality? If I argue with reality when my car breaks down, or my boss fires my favorite co-worker, or my check gets lost in the mail I’m going to be spending my precious time, as well as my physical, emotional and mental health fighting against something I don’t stand a chance of changing.

There’s an old coaching trick called the 10/10 rule I often ask my clients when they are experiencing the stress that comes with failed expectations. I ask them:

• How important will this issue be to you 10 hours from now?
• How important will this issue be to you 10 days from now?
• How important with this issue be to you 10 weeks from now?
• How important will this issue to be to you 10 months from now?
• And how important will this issue be to you 10 years from now?

At least 75% of the time my clients share with me that 10 weeks from now their circumstances won’t even be an issue, and 10 months from now they will probably have forgotten all about it or think of it as a tiny bump on their road of life. My clients usually begin to giggle when I ask them how important their issue will be 10 years from now. That’s usually when I hear, “Okay Coach! I see where you’re going with this one.”

Now, let’s round up those limiting beliefs again and wipe them out for good. Consider this your first big step in wiping out the cycle of stress and illness before it wipes us out instead.

Beliefs that perpetuate stress and illness:

• It’s just my nature to be stressed-out all the time
• There isn’t enough time in the day to take proper care of myself and my needs.
• If I could control the unexpected circumstances of my life I wouldn’t need to worry about stress and illness.

Beliefs that break the stress and illness cycle:

• It’s my true nature to seek and live a balanced life
• There is always enough time to take proper care of myself and my needs
• I choose to be resourceful, accepting, and grateful as I let go of any expectations regarding “what should have been” and pursue the opportunities that come with any given event

I invite you to take these last three beliefs, make them your own, build evidence in your own life to support their truth, and reap the emotional, mental, physical and spiritual benefits that come from doing so.

The Thirteenth Edition of the Carnival of Improving Life