Live Beyond Stress and Illness

In today’s Goodie Bag that Jenni Prokopy sent out to all of her Chronic Babes was an article about how we all too often spend far too much time caring about what others think.

This article got me thinking. Spending so much time investing in what others might think or feel about us is usually a fruitless effort, and sometimes an unconscious habit that perpetuates stress in our lives. We all know that stress and illness go hand in hand. If you can eliminate the co-dependent tendency that proclaims; “I’m only happy if you are happy with me,” than imagine the energy reserves you might be freeing up to support you in doing the things you want to do in your life.

I passed this invitation along to Jenni and thought I might share it here as well. This is a strategy I use to keep my health and wellness a priority and steer myself clear of any unwanted stress.

The Necessary, Kind and True Formula:
I have a code I like to follow that protects me from being seduced by wanting to take responsibility for other people’s stuff. I ask myself, “Is what I’m about to say, (or what I already said,) Necessary, Kind and True.

Necessary: Is it necessary to share what I’m sharing? Is it necessary to my well-being and the well-being of others?

Kind: Is my tone, energy, and intention one that holds a space for compassion and kindness? Am I being aggressive, guarded or judgmental or am I being open, compassionate and kind? Am I sharing my thoughts or needs in a welcoming manner or am I trying to make someone wrong? Do I have evidence as to how I am approaching this person and situation in a kind manner? Am I holding an intention to empower myself and others in this situation?

True: Is what I’m sharing true for me and the situation as I see it? Am I speaking with integrity? Am I being honest with myself and with this person?

When I find someone is disappointed with me or something I’ve shared and I can check in with myself and recognize that I’ve followed the “Necessary, kind and True” formula I can breathe and acknowledge myself for taking responsibility for the things I can control as well as acknowledge myself for showing up as the kind of person I want to be—regardless of whether or not the other person can see it that way.

This formula offers me the opportunity to detach from what I cannot control, and recognize that my happiness and inner peace doesn’t need to be dependent upon someone else’s thoughts, feelings and actions towards me.

I invite you all to practice living by this formula and see if makes a significant difference in your ability to refrain from unwanted stress and support your wellness goals.

“Someday the medical profession will wake up and realize that unresolved emotional issues are the main cause of 85% of all illnesses.”
-Eric Robins, MD. Co-author of Your Hands Can Heal You.

I meet a lot of people who just don’t believe that stress can actually be one of the biggest factors attributing to illness. Stress and illness go hand-in-hand, like it or not. And yet we live in a society that appears to celebrate the stressed-out.

It’s as if the more stressed out you are the more approval the world will offer you. People move around these days experiencing stress as if it were some kind of badge of honor.

But are we cheering each other on to our own demise? Have we come to believe that we are only worthy of a good life if we are experiencing stress, even the kind of stress that leads to illness?

I’ve worked with many clients who have been completely unaware of how vulnerable they’ve been to stress and illness. Stress has become the acceptable norm so much so that most people believe it to be a necessary evil. I don’t think that most people have any idea how powerful and negative a role stress can have on their lives until illness seeps in.

Most clients that came to me experiencing the symptoms of stress and illness usually share some story about how they were perfectly healthy people and all of a sudden out of nowhere they were struck by illness.

Yet to date, everyone who has shared some version of that story with me eventually discovered a plethora of signs, symptoms, beliefs, behaviors and actions that were a kindred spirit to stress.

Stress and illness doesn’t actually sneak up on us so much as we would like to think. Stress is typically something we’ve had a long term relationship with before illness shows up. We’ve all just gotten really good at denying our stress or perpetuating it by giving it permission to run our lives.

Hysterical really has become the new calm. Intensity and urgency set the tone for most of what we do throughout the day. And personal awareness has gone right out the window. We don’t even realize that our stress levels are through the roof because we’ve been maintaining them for so long that it’s become the new normal.

Bottom Line: Stress and illness like to perpetuate one another. Stress leads to illness which leads to more stress which keeps illness in place therefore creating more stress and so on…

The good news is that we are all capable of choosing habits and behaviors that relieve stress. So, the next time you find yourself spinning in the whirlwind known as stress ask yourself, “Am I really willing to allow anything to take precedence over my peace and health?”

For more information please visit Diana Bertoldo

In all my years of working with clients in the health and wellness field, rarely do I run across someone challenged by stress and illness that is conscious of their breathing habits let alone conscious of the true benefits deep breathing can offer them.

Bottom line: When we are stressed our healthy breathing goes right out the window! And then our unhealthy breathing actually can perpetuate the stress, and also create physical symptoms that cause us discomfort.

When you learn to become conscious of your breath and practice deep breathing, you develop the ability to support your autonomic nervous system and positively impact your health. Most of us think we don’t have any control over what our autonomic nervous system chooses to do or not to do…that simply isn’t true.

Deep breathing is one way to support your autonomic nervous system in regulating itself when stress takes over.

When our nervous system becomes overly aroused by emotional stressors it can trigger a number of physiological responses such as:

Pupils dilating
Increased secretion of sweat glands
Skeletal muscles tightening
Increased heart rate
Digestive system shut down
Constriction of blood vessels
Inhibited insulin secretion
Secretion of adrenalin

Learning to regulate your nervous system by practicing deep breathing can be a wonderful tool in shifting the above physiological responses to what I’ve listed here below.

Decreased and normal heart rate
Blood vessels dilate—so your blood can flow freely and throughout your body
Skeletal muscles relax
Digestion resumes normal functioning
Insulin secretion is normalized
Sweat glands secrete normally
Brain functions normally
Pupils constrict

Deep Breathing Exercise:

Step 1) For the next sixty-seconds, (watch your clock) and breath at your typical rate of breathing. Don’t try to practice deep breathing right now. Just simply breathe as you always do. While doing so, count how many breaths you take in the next sixty seconds.

Step 2) Write down the number of breaths you took in those sixty-seconds you were timing yourself

Step 3) Now, practice inhaling to the count of five…1-2-3-4-5, and then exhaling to the count of five…1-2-3-4-5. Don’t count too fast or too slow. See if you can count to the timing of one second per number. Practice inhaling through your nose to the count of five and exhaling through your nose to the count of five for the next sixty seconds.

You might notice that in order to inhale to the count of five you will need to breathe deeply into your abdomen. No one takes a full breath naturally by the time they count to three unless they are thoracic breathers. Allow your abdomen to fill.

For ease, you can try this lying down on your back and holding your hands over your abdomen. Focus on every breath coming in slowly as it fills your lungs and abdomen. Make sure your shoulders, neck, jaw, and face are relaxed. Deep and proper breathing requires the support and use of your diaphragm, (not your neck and shoulders.)

Step 4) Once you’ve got the hang of it, allow yourself to gently and fully breathe at this 1-2-3-4-5 pace for the next five minutes. Give your body and your mind a chance to connect and integrate this new way of breathing.

Step 5) When you are complete, check in with yourself and see how you feel.

Are you calmer than when you began?
Do you feel relaxed?
How do the muscles in your body feel?
What’s different about the way you feel in your body now?
Do you feel more connected or comfortable in your body?
What does your circulation feel like?

Step 6) Congratulate yourself! If you managed to inhale to the count of five and exhale to the count of five successfully than you managed to regulate your body to breathing at an optimal rate, (which by the way is six breaths per minute.) If you are over six breaths per minute, that’s okay too. Simply continue to practice this exercise daily and see if you can at least lower your breaths per minute that you wrote down in step 2.

Even if you practice this exercise once a day for 5-15 minutes I believe you will discover a greater sense of peace and well-being throughout your day. Give it a shot! See for yourself what less than 15 minutes of self care a day can do for your mind, body and well-being.

Having a strong desire for success can be a wonderful thing! Ambition can drive us towards what we want most in life but it can also take us out at the knees depending upon the tone of our ambition.

What tone have you set for your ambitions? Do your ambitions celebrate your greatness; build your esteem and knowledge? Do your ambitions advance you into places you never expected or planned for yet also give you the opportunity to find peace and perfection within?

Or do they perpetuate your sense of not being good enough? Do they weigh you down, break you down, or set a stage for eminent disappointment, stress, overwhelm and even illness?

The softer side of ambition is where you hold your goal in sight, reach for it, fumble, get back up, love yourself unconditionally, regroup, test the waters again, and perhaps reshape your goal or the guidelines you set up for reaching that goal.

The softer side of ambition holds a space for compassion and a willingness to BE with your journey as it unfolds vs. resisting any parts of it that you weren’t planning on. The softer side of ambition embodies flexibility, patience, the willingness to BE and BE SEEN as the novice. The softer side relishes in the intention to be peaceable where others might choose to be weathered by a storm they could have avoided.

The rough side of ambition embodies an entirely different and often detrimental tone. The rough side of ambition is ruthless, merciless, and never satisfied. It carries the tone of unattainable perfection. It judges your path negatively when things don’t go exactly as expected or planned. The rough side of ambition experiences life as an emergency. Your actions, thoughts, and behaviors all play into a do-or-die anthem. Intensity and urgency are the qualities that push your ambitions up hill…and it’s quite a climb for such meager returns.

Are You Building an Altar to the Rough Side of Ambition?

Ask yourself:

• Am I practicing compassion or condemnation?
• Am I experiencing a sense of peace, calm, and certainty about my vision or am I frantic, resistant, and judgmental?
• Am I recognizing the perfection in where I am today or am I pushing and arguing with reality?
• Am I acknowledging myself for everything that I am doing right or am I building evidence towards everything I think must be going wrong according to my predetermined expectations?
• Am I keeping peace a priority or am I keeping my “Do-or-Die” anthem alive?
• Am I enjoying the ride or is my enjoyment dependent upon what I think should or shouldn’t happen along the way?
• Do I see opportunities or obstacles?
• Am I out of breath or am I breathing deeply?
• Am I living in this moment or do I have one foot in a past I’m running from, and one foot in a future I’m worrying about?

When You Choose the Softer Side of Ambition You:

• Eliminate a sense of urgency, intensity, and rigidity that impedes the fruition of your ambitions
• Make inner peace a priority
• Stop judging your process and start enjoying the ride
• Find opportunities within any and all challenges
• Lead with compassion
• Create, persist and achieve with a flexible mind and a powerful spirit
• Slow down long enough to see what you’ve been missing that you really don’t want to miss
• Come to know that true strength and power is flexible, patient, resilient, and always speaks to the possibilities at hand

I invite you all to acknowledge the tone you are setting for your ambitions. Tone is something we always have control over. Reset your tone if need be. You just might surprise yourself with some of your greatest successes yet when you come to apply the softer side of ambition to your own life.

Ask yourself, “Do they need to? In order for me to be happy, whole and complete do the people in my life need to understand my experience with illness?”

When people don’t get it:

Recognize their innocence:

People challenged by illness can feel misunderstood and have an intense desire for others to just “get it!” But how much time, energy, and pain are you investing in needing others to get it? Better yet, what would you be doing with that time and energy if you focused it elsewhere?

Seeing the innocence in others is a great way to relieve you of any added stress and worry that might impede your health and sense of well-being. When we are willing to see their innocence we are willing to educate them about our experience with the intention to create connection. We educate vs. defend. We remain open to the truth that they may not understand, and we detach from needing them to understand in order for us to be happy.

Seeing another’s innocence puts the power back in your own hands. Let go. Allow others their own experience even if it is one of resistance or ignorance. Aren’t we all really searching for permission to be ourselves? So ask yourself, “Can I give others permission to be who they are just as I wish they would give me permission to be who I am?

Share your story without expectation:

As long as your intention is to offer clarity about yourself and your experience with illness you will have success. The success comes from being authentic and true to yourself.

Offering clarity and speaking your truth is within your control. Holding a space for compassion with those who get it and with those who don’t is also within your control. Let go of expecting a certain response from others. Focus on what you can control, and release yourself from the things you cannot. I think you will find that the things you cannot control aren’t worth your time and energy anyway.

Acknowledge their positive aspects:

Okay, so maybe some people in your life don’t get it. But what do they get about you? What do you appreciate about them? Focus on what they DO bring to the table vs. what they don’t. These people who are in your life and not getting it surely must serve some greater purpose for you. Why else would they still be in your life? Focus on their greatness. How do they support you? How do they make you smile? How do they express their love to you? Choose to marinade in their positive aspects.

Stop rejecting, blaming or shaming yourself:

Let’s face it, you didn’t just wake up one day and decide that invisible illness was something that you wanted to invite into your life. When we hide, we reject ourselves first before anyone else can. When we hide, we also assume the worst in others.

“No one will get me.”
“They won’t understand.”
“They’ll think I’m a freak show!”
“People will think I’m weak.”
“They’ll think I’m damaged goods and leave me.”

Illness is nothing to be ashamed of and when we really get that we stop hiding, blaming and shaming ourselves. The only thing illness ever really says about you is that you are human. Well, congratulations—so is everyone else!

A friend recently revealed to me her thoughts on what it means to be committed. She began by expressing how frustrated she was with her husband’s choices and lack of commitment to his health. Her husband had suffered a back injury years ago and continues to struggle with pain, inflexibility, etc.

I asked her, “What is it you want him to do that he isn’t doing?”

She replied, “I just want him to be committed to his healing! He has many options we haven’t even begun to investigate. But he’s just giving up.”

“So, you want him to be committed?” I said

“Yes.” She responded.

“And what does being committed mean to you? I asked

She paused for a moment, and I could swear I heard her mind ticking away and forming her answer.

“It would mean he was willing to go to the ends of the earth!” She proclaimed.

“Wow!” I said.

“And how long does it take to go to the ends of the earth?” I asked

“It takes as long as it takes.” She responded

“And where exactly is the ends of the earth?” I asked.

“It’s wherever his moment of healing comes to pass.” She said.

“And how will you know when he is on his way towards the ends of the earth?” I asked

“I’ll know because his every step will be fueled with the intention to make his healing a priority. Every choice will reflect his willingness to walk to the ends of HIS earth. He’ll be contemplating healing avenues he hasn’t even heard about yet. He’ll remain open and he'll look for answers in places he hasn’t imagined. He’ll be able to reflect back on his days and recognize how his actions were in alignment with his intention to make health and healing a priority. He'll feel inspired by the possibility of discovering the ends of the earth.” She said.

“So there’s no cut-off time?” I asked.

“No.” She responded.

“And no expectations of what the ends of the earth should or shouldn’t look like?” I asked

“No expectations, no cut-off time, no limits.” She said.

“And his trusting guide is the pure intention to make his healing a priority?” I asked.

“I think that’s the perfect guide for him and the only one he needs to keep him on the path towards the ends of the earth.” She responded with conviction.

I had to agree.

One of my favorite stress-busting exercises that I recommend to all my clients is singing! It doesn’t matter if you think you are good, bad or the next Luciano Pavarotti—giving yourself permission to sing has many health benefits and everyone can carve 5-minutes out their day to engage in song and reap some benefit.

I recommend singing primarily because it has the power to shift your focus from the negative to the positive. It brings you into the present moment and grants you access to a pathway of pleasure. It’s a great way to restore, revive and nourish your emotional, mental, and physical well-being.

Did you know:

A study conducted by the University of California, Irvine discovered increased levels of disease fighting proteins in the mouths of persons singing in the study. The proteins found are used by the immune system to fight disease. This study noted up to 150% increase with the singers during rehearsals and about 240% increase was discovered during performance.

People who sing report a sense of happiness and euphoria when singing

Singing has physical benefits because it is an aerobic activity—one that increases oxygenation in the blood stream and exercises major muscle groups in the upper body

It’s a great way to exercise your heart and keep it healthy

It’s a great way to increase lung capacity

You can burn up to 4.00 calories per minute while singing. That means an hour of singing could burn 240 calories!

Your body produces endorphins when you sing

It improves posture, clears respiratory tubes, and sinuses

It creates increased mental alertness due to the greater oxygenation

Singing has been linked to decreased blood pressure, a lower heart rate, and reduced stress

Singing can block a lot of neural pathways that pain travels through

It enhances feelings of relaxation and confidence

It can increase your energy Level

So with all these health benefits that come from singing I challenge you to make singing a part of your life. Give it a shot! Commit to singing one song at the top of your lungs every day for a week and tell me about the effects you experience from this new habit.

Click on the link below. You are just 3 minutes and 40 seconds away from a new frame of mind! Turn it up! Sing along, (lyrics are below...no excuses!) Pass it on to someone you love!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkHTsc9PU2A

I'm Yours By Jason Mraz

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run outI
'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn
to win some or learn some
I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
I love peaceful melody
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
My breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what i'ma saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
this is our fate, I'm yours

Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find the sky is yours
Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
A lá one big family (2nd time: A lá happy family; 3rd time: A lá peaceful melody)
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love love love

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
No please, don't complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
No please, don't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait
The sky is your's!

I found myself ranting to a friend one day about some co-workers who were dropping the ball left and right on some tasks I had delegated to them. I was spinning in a furry of judgment that ranged from “Don’t they give a crap about this project?” to “Didn’t they get the memo that responding to emails within a 48 hour period is proper protocol in the professional world?” I was mortified for them, and I was pissed!

The next thing I knew a very telling statement left my mouth. “It must be nice to live without a sense of urgency.” And even though I was being sarcastic, I had to ask myself, “Well, would it be nice?”

A revelation was occurring within me and it was this: I had lived my entire life with a sense of urgency and intensity. Urgency and intensity were my star qualities for getting things done. However, they also did a magnificent job of robbing me my peace, sanity, and ability to allow life to unfold.

I went home and sat down at my computer that day wondering what my life would be like if I made the conscious effort and choice to live without urgency and intensity. Could I really do that? Was it possible? And if urgency and intensity were no longer my star qualities what would replace them? Could I survive replacing them?

I was stuck. I asked myself, “What is the opposite of urgency and intensity?” Still stuck and drawing a blank, I searched my dictionary and thesaurus for antonyms. Each discovery was so seductive that I wrote them down and gazed at them like priceless saviors I wanted to pledge my life to. First I defined “Urgency” and “Intensity” so I could have a clear understanding of their working dynamics in my life. Then I made a list of antonyms:

Intense: forceful, extreme, severe, excessive, fanatical, fixated, obsessive,

Urgent: critical, insistent, pleading, demanding, pressing, the desire for something to be done quickly. Incessant, relentless, non-stop, ceaseless, perpetual,


Polar opposites/ Antonyms:

Intense opposites: relaxed, non-resisting, calm, patient, accepting what is as is, gentle, reasonable,( moderate- make or become less extreme) fair, judicious, practicing discretion, sensible, (temperate-without extremes) mild, peaceable, serene, unruffled, untroubled, practical vs. extreme, pervasive

Urgent opposites: trivial, inconsequential, minor, insignificant, irrelevant, not worth worrying about, no great stakes, slight, inessential, unnecessary, needless, (superfluous- in excess to what is needed) composed- cool, calm, and collected.

Staring at the page I realized I now had something to play with. The question kept swirling in my mind; “What would a life without urgency and intensity really look like?” Without giving it much thought I just let go and I began to write about this new life as if I were already living it.

I am so happy and grateful now…

I am so happy and grateful now that I am living without a sense of urgency or intensity. I move through my day experiencing the fullness of peace, love, serenity, acceptance for what is, and enthusiasm for what I am about to create. My life is not an emergency, it is so thick with beauty, passion, and awe that I would never again choose to race or rush through a moment of it. I smell the roses in all experiences.

I no longer create, invite, or allow intensity into my experience. I don’t experience the intensity of love, I experience the fullness and expansion of love. I don’t choose to create intense thoughts or feelings, I choose to create thoughts and feelings that are plentiful, abundant, calming, sensible, and open but never too big to contain or welcome.

I am in my body in every moment, not moving so fast that it can’t catch up with me. I know the difference now. I have composed the fabulous life—the fabulous me-- and my thoughts, feelings and actions are following harmoniously. Everything about me is connected and a partner to the whole that I am.

I am patient, kind, gentle, and with grace. I am flexible, loving, accepting, and sensible. I’ve traded extreme thinking and doing in for a keen ability to recognize the superfluous and insignificant. I know in ever moment that anything, anyone, or any thought that resists my well-being and bliss is superfluous and I can dismiss them all in less than a second knowing that they are the voices of unreasonable, unnecessary, and undoubtedly sufferable content. It’s amazing how easy it is to let them go.

I never miss an opportunity, and I never need to rush, push, or force myself upon them because every single opportunity that is mine is given to me easily and frequently. I live in a world where there is no such thing as a missed opportunity. Missed opportunities are a myth, and any opportunity that I notice in the world, or imagine, that I have not received wasn’t mine in the first place. Those supposed “missed opportunities” are now occasions for me to be grateful for the goodies they reap for others who they were actually intended for in the first place.

I am perpetually at peace with who I am, what I do, what I think, crave and desire. I am at peace with my world as my world IS peaceful and fearless. It’s wonderful to run but not to race. It’s a pleasure to thrive but not to chase. I move with deliberate intention. I dream, exist, stretch and grow, create, love, manifest, think, believe, and speak with deliberate intention. I am Diana, full of grace, patience, kindness, flexibility, honor, humility and integrity. I am resourceful as I am inventive, open, creative, imaginative, willing, capable, prepared, knowledgeable, accepting, allowing, unruffled, sensible, temperate, and gently curious.

I live in a perpetual state of gratitude, self-love, and true bliss. My life is perfection. I choose to do, be, and have everything that is in my world. My work, goals, relationships, and dreams are all living examples of my serenity.

I will not miss my self-created emergencies or intensity, but I will always have the deepest gratitude for their roles in showing me what I wanted most in my life. Without them, without the contrast they expressed in my life, I would not know the depths of my desire to create and experience what I have today, and will have from this moment forward. Emergency and Intensity, you were my doorway to freedom and bliss. You taught me exactly what I needed to know in order that I BE, DO, and HAVE what I truly wanted. I love you and release you both for now and forever, knowing that I will never forget you and will celebrate you both as I dance with everything that is now in my life that bears contrast to your existence.

There it was. My inner wisdom spoke as it always does when I grant it permission to do so—when I’m willing to get out of my own way!!! I already felt lighter just in the act of writing this. I didn’t want to lose this new sense of being so I decided to create some daily Intention statements that would keep me focused on this new life without urgency and intensity. To this day I call myself back to these statements. They give me focus and the right to choose peace.

I am willing to recognize that all things outside my control are inessential to my well-being

I am willing to release my attachment to the superfluous

I am willing to choose thoughts, behaviors and actions that are in alignment with my intention to be temperate, practical, gentle, and serene.

I am willing to choose an untroubled and peaceful perspective in every moment

Years ago I enrolled in a class to learn Jin Shin Tara, a bodywork modality based on Chinese medicine acupuncture points. I must admit up front, I didn’t like the woman leading the class. She definitely triggered me. She appeared falsely happy to me—like she was faking it. She had that sort of “isn’t everything just wonderful!” kind of attitude that lacked a sense of being genuine.

At one point during our weeks of training, the teacher began speaking about the different ways to diagnose imbalances in the body. She talked about skin tones and types in particular. At one point I raised my hand and said, “Well based on this form of diagnosis what do you see in me with my coloring?”

Without even pausing she said very matter-of-factly, “Oh, I see a heart imbalance.” “And what exactly does that mean,” I said. She responded, “You are discontented with God.” Look who’s calling the kettle black, I thought.

I took her comments like a trooper and pretended she didn’t piss me off, but she did. How dare her tell me what my relationship with God was like based on the coloring of my skin. What a freak-show! I stewed and stewed for days after that until I finally decided to be honest with myself. I was pissed off at God. And I had a plethora of reasons not to be happy with him.

I relayed this story to my coach one day while in session. I was relentless in complaining about how inappropriate I thought her commentary was, etc. And then I shared how undeniable a truth it was that my relationship with God was one which left much to be desired.

My coach asked me to describe my God to her, and in doing so I painted the picture of a heartless entity who didn’t have my back and didn’t love me. He was someone who expected perfection, didn’t like my choices, didn’t think I was good enough, and thought I should be a better person. He was mad at me for the way I was living my life, and he was ashamed of my decisions. He was always on the lookout just waiting for me to slip-up so he could punish me and make me pay.

Before I could even finish my description of God a light when off in my mind and I experienced an amazing revelation. “Oh my God, “I said. “This isn’t God I’m describing at all…” “Who is it?” My coach asked me. “It’s my father,” I said. Immediately the flood gates opened and I was weeping like a little girl. A deep anger rose within me surpassing my grief. “He stole my God! I looked up to my father as if he was God—I made him God. What the hell was I thinking?!”

I had literally transposed the image of my father onto God. There it was clear as day yet I had never seen it before. The truth. The greater truth. I had haphazardly projected all the fears I had regarding my father and his perception of me onto God. For years I believed that whatever I feared my father thought, God would think too. Whatever my dad wanted, God wanted, whatever my dad disliked or disapproved of, God disapproved of too. In that moment I realized I had raped myself of any true connection and relationship with God himself. No wonder God had been this fallible image in my life. I had never even experienced God. I had no idea who he was.

My coach asked me, “If you were to separate the image of your father from the image of God, what do you see?”

“It’s more a feeling than a thought.” I said.

“And what do you feel?” She responded.

“Relief!” I rejoiced!

“And in this moment if I asked you to describe God to me while remaining conscious of the fact that your father is not God, what would you tell me?” She asked.

“I’m coming up blank for the word “God” because the name is so connected to my father.” I complained.

“If you could use another name what would that be?” She asked.

“Spirit. I feel connected to the word Spirit.” I said.

“So, how would you describe spirit?” She asked.

“Oh my! Spirit is wonderful!!! Spirit is totally on my side. Spirit loves me and supports me no matter what. Spirit knows I’m doing my best. It cheers me on. It believes in me when I don’t. It always has my back. It never would call me a “mistake” or tell me I deserve to be punished. Spirit encourages me to forgive myself and others…” I replied.

That day was the beginning of a new and fruitful relationship with God, AKA “Spirit.” I consider myself deeply grateful for that teacher in Jin Shin Tara class who called me out on the carpet, triggered the hell out of me, and was willing to be deemed “The Bitch” in my eyes so that I could be led to the wisdom and freedom that followed.

That day I found God, and released my father from a role that was never his. I fell in love with my father over and over again that day once I released him and the fears I had attached to my relationship with him. Dad became human that day. God became brilliant. And I continue to be free.

Years ago I was doing a massage trade with a fellow massage therapist. It was my turn to receive! And it was a hot summer’s day in Boulder, Colorado. We were using my home office which had no air conditioning but what’s a little exchanged sweat between friends?

As my friend Lyn began massaging my neck which had a history of always locking up and holding enormous amounts of tension I had the unusual experience of losing control of my arms. I mean they just started trembling and flapping about on the table like they had a mind and dance of their own.

Lyn asked me “What’s going on with that?” and I responded, “I have no idea, I’m not even making it happen.” And we proceeded with the massage as any truth seekers would curious and slightly mesmerized by what my body was doing.

Before we knew it I started to get goose bumps all over my body. I was instantly freezing cold—even on this 90 degree day in Colorado. And as I focused on breathing through the work and giving my body permission to shake with flailing arms I had this image behind my eyelids of being 10 years old and playing stick ball with my father. It was like watching a movie from my pre-teen years and I could even see the color of the shirt I was wearing. Mustard yellow!

As the movie played out I saw my father throwing me a pitch. The pitch was high and inside and faster than hell. The next thing I knew the ball hit the left side of my neck. I never had a chance to move out of the line of fire.

My father raced off the pitching mound of the field as I dropped my bat, (or broom stick rather as we were playing stick ball with a rubber ball.) I was so stunned by getting hit that I just froze. All I remembered thinking was “Whatever you do Diana DO NOT CRY!” I didn’t. I held strong. And I muffled every fear, thought, and emotion that came with that one pitch.

When the movie stopped playing in my mind I had this incredible revelation that my body had stored this experience for a long time now. The tears of my ten year old within came rushing out of my eyes and streamed down my face as I lay there on the massage table. Every fear and every made-up thought about what it must mean that my father hit me in the neck with the ball came bubbling up and out of me.

“Why wasn’t he more careful?”
“I thought I was his princess?”
“Maybe he’s trying to teach me a lesson about keeping up with my brothers in a man’s world”
“Did he do that on purpose?”
“Did I make him mad?”
“My own father tried to take me out!”
“It isn’t safe to be a girl”
“If I cry he’ll use that as an excuse to never let me play again”
“Why didn’t I see it coming?”


I gave myself permission to see those thoughts and feel the feelings attached to them that I had locked away for so long. In doing so, my trembling arms relaxed into the table again. My body temperature rose. And my neck experienced a range of motion, flexibility, and freedom that I hadn’t known in years.

I carried around a welt on the side of my neck shaped like a Spalding ball for a couple of days after that event with my dad. It stung and ached. But the sting of that welt was slight in comparison to the thoughts and emotions I had locked inside my body. Those same thoughts became the filter in which I viewed many situations before that day on the massage table. “It isn’t safe to be a girl!” was a theme and belief I could literally superimpose onto many of my life experiences.

To see those thoughts and emotions for what they are today—simply fear based thoughts, and not greater truths, has made all the difference in the way I hold myself, see others, and live my life.

I believe our bodies have amazing stories to tell, and can offer incredible advice regarding our health and emotional well-being if we only opened to experiencing its wisdom. I began a new relationship with body that day on the massage table. And for the record, it’s perfectly safe to be a girl! That’s my new story.

Creating a Personal Code or Manifesto that keeps you on track towards your wellness goals is necessary when faced with the uncertainty and challenges that come with illness. Below is a Manifesto I created for those who want to play a bigger role in their health and well-being. Feel free to call yourself back to these living intentions and create your own as well. Here's to setting a tone for health, peace and opportunity!

Living Beyond Stress And Illness Personal Code:

I am willing to be loving, merciful, and respectful with myself as I take responsibility for the life I have today and the life I choose to create

I am willing to be gentle, patient and compassionate as I learn to let go of any habits, thoughts, or behaviors that keep me from creating a greater sense of peace and well being.

I am willing to support, honor, empower and love myself without condition

I am willing to practice choosing thoughts, behaviors and actions that support and strengthen my emotional, mental, spiritual and physical states of well-being.

I am willing to spend time every day celebrating my true beauty

I am willing to make my personal peace a priority

I am willing to stretch beyond what I know today and welcome the opportunity for growth, healing, and limitless opportunities

I am willing to let go of any negative self-stories or limiting beliefs I may carry that keep me from living the life that I want.

I am willing to become more powerful, patient, and loving than I have ever been before

I am willing to love and be loved, support and be supported, forgive and be forgiven

I am willing to create a support system that feeds my soul, energizes my mind, body and spirit, and compliments my health and wellbeing goals

I am willing to practice releasing any guilt, shame or un-forgiveness that may be keeping me from living my greatness or rising above and beyond where I am today

I am willing to take responsibility for my own thoughts, feelings and actions, and I am willing to practice choosing thoughts, feelings and actions that empower myself and the world around me.

I am willing to discover the gifts and opportunities before me in every situation

I am willing to trust that everything occurring in my life is unfolding to support my greater good