Live Beyond Stress and Illness

Living with stress and illness comes with many challenges and can have a negative impact on your family and friends as well. Those who love and care about people struggling with stress and illness can feel helpless and hopeless in meeting their needs. We all want to make a positive difference, especially in the lives of those we love.

People struggling with stress and illness often fear being a burden to others. They struggle in asking for help, often don’t even know what kind of support to specifically request, and feel like accepting support is equivalent to handing over their independence. I’ve heard all the excuses, and then some.

“My husband does too much already…”
“Nothing is going to really help me in the long run anyway, so why ask?”
“No one wants to hear me whining or treat me like a baby.”
“I don’t want people seeing me as needy or incompetent.”
“People will just feel sorry for me, and I don’t want that to happen.”

Yet then I hear from the friends and loved ones…

“I feel powerless and useless.”
“I can’t stand feeling so inept.”
“I would do anything to make a difference in their pain if I just knew what that was.”
“I just don’t know what to do for them and the more I feel that way the more I feel like I’m failing them.”

All of us like to be part of a solution vs. part of a problem

I recently moved to the San Diego area in California. And when you’re new to an area having directions that get you from one side of town to the next are imperative not only to you reaching the destination you want, but also to your peace of mind. If my sister in law, who lives in Lakeside says, “Come on over for dinner,” yet I’ve never been to her house and I don’t even know if Lakeside is east or west of my home I’m going to need some instruction on how it is I can get to her home.

When we venture into the unknown without direction, instruction, suggestions, or some kind of map we can feel overwhelmed, lost, and frightened. If you’re like my sister in law, someone who’s been to or lived in Lakeside, you have a pretty good idea as to how I might arrive in Lakeside. You probably could even tell me a couple of different routes I could take to get there. Together, with your instruction and my desire to follow suit, we could both be part of the solution.

No Guarantees

Now then, I could take the bus, drive my own car, walk, ride my bike, get a lift from a friend, or take a cab to Lakeside. And then “life” could happen. I might get on the wrong bus, my car might break down, I could get a flat on my bike, and who knows what else might get in the way of my successfully reaching Lakeside. But if I am committed to getting there, and I let go of needing a guarantee that I will get there in a specific way, then I’ll just keep plugging through my options one by one knowing that there are hopeful avenues in my getting there. How do I know that these are possible, hopeful avenues? Because people have gotten into their cars, or on the bus, or in a cab, or on their bikes and reached that destination before.

I Promise You This...

Reducing emotional, mental and physical stressors will greatly improve your experience with illness and support you in creating a sense of well-being. Don't underestimate the bigger role you could be playing in your own health and well-being. And likewise, don't underestimate the bigger roles your loved ones could playing--especially if you offered them a little direction.

1) Make a list of your mental, emotional, and physical stressors.

2) What kind of specific support can you request from your loved ones that might decrease or relieve these stressors? (If you aren’t certain, brainstorm some possibilities, and write them down.)

3) Be willing to ask for help even without the guarantee that what you are requesting will be the perfect solution. (Remember, there are many ways to get to Lakeside, and a little trial and error is always possible along the way. Don’t let that stop you.)

4) Keep in mind: People like to be part of the solution! They like to feel useful, supportive, and necessary. Giving your loved ones the opportunity to shine is a gift to them as well as a gift to yourself. Invite them to be part of the solution—part of your health and wellness team.

Here’s to empowering yourself and those you love on your path towards living beyond stress and illness!